About About Face
by OzGeek
Summary: Written for the NFA Missing Moments Challenge. I was annoyed Tony didn't say anything to make Palmer feel better in About Face so I gave him the chance at the end of the episode. Oneshot. Season 5 About face Spoilers.


Written for the NFA Missing Moments Challenge:

_Your challenge is to write a one-shot about a moment that was missing from an episode.  
**Characters:** Anyone is fair game, as long as they are in their correct season.  
**Length:** Minimum 1,000 words, but it is negotiable. Maximum 5,000 words . . . I would like it to be a one-shot after all.  
**Rating:** Anything from G to R (K to M).  
**Warnings:** Keep ships to a minimum, please . . . nothing more than we would have seen in that episode (or season). **Season Five is okay to use, just post spoiler warnings. And if you can avoid 'Dog Tags' and 'In the Zone' then that would be great as I haven't seen those two episodes. **Humour is fine, but no Crack!Fics, AUs or crossovers, please. _

I was annoyed Tony didn't say anything to make Palmer feel better so I gave him the chance at the end of the episode.

**WARNING - SPOILERS for About Face**

* * *

**About About Face**

"DiNozzo," yelled Gibbs.

Tony looked up from where he was happily ramming Milos S-U-S-K-A-V-C-E-V-I-C into the car. Sure he didn't quite fit in this orientation but if he just pushed hard enough…

"Stay with Palmer."

"What?" Tony froze, giving Suskavcevic time to duck into the safety of the back seat.

"Do I mumble, DiNozzo?"

"No, boss but why?"

"Because we don't all fit in the car and Palmer is going to need to wait around for a tow."

"What about Probie?"

"Goodbye, DiNozzo. We'll send a car for you."

It was all over before he knew it and suddenly Tony found himself looking longingly at the retreating Charger carrying the rest of his team. Its absence revealed Palmer's forlorn figure. He had climbed out of his crushed car and was currently inspecting the corrugated metal that now constituted his hood. With that large square mouth, the guy looked like a Muppet; given his recent driving exploits – a delusional Rambo Muppet. Why would Gibbs leave him with Rambo Muppet? The guy was so nerdy, he made McGee look like McMagnum.

Tony heaved a great sigh and began a heavy trudge to where Palmer stood.

Palmer's eyes did not leave his crumpled duco. "I've killed her," he whimpered.

"Nahhhh," said Tony.

"Look at her," Palmer's eyes finally met Tony's.

Tony gave him a disbelieving look. "Palmer," he said calmly and rationally. "It's not that bad. So your Honda Prelude looks like a Honda Accordian, it's no big deal."

Jimmy looked at him in shock. "But she's my car."

"Palmer," said Tony seriously, "do you remember what happened to my last car?"

Palmer had the good grace to cringe.

"That's right," said Tony, nodding victoriously: "bombed into oblivion. Did you ever see the car I had before that?"

Palmer winched again. "I, ah, caught the news."

"Uh ha," said Tony trying to bore the message home. "Compared to that, this is just a scratch."

"But,…"

"I'll tell you something told to me in complete confidence."

Palmer's eyes went wide.

"McGee: 16th Birthday, 1984 Camaro Z-28, five speed: bus, gone."

Jimmy paled. "I never knew," he said in hushed awe.

"Yeah, well he doesn't like to speak about it."

"Gibbs backed one off a pier."

"Oh, I…"

"And don't even get me started on Ziva."

"So I suppose this is just, ah, like a scratch," Jimmy relented.

Tony smiled sympathetically. "That's right – and here's your tow."

Two gigantic hook bearing trucks pulled up alongside Suskavcevic's truck and Jimmy's car. An enormous hairy guy clambered out from one and started inspecting the utility Jimmy had hit while an almost identical enormous hairy guy approached Jimmy and Tony.

He looked straight at Jimmy. "You the owner of the Honda?"

"What makes you think it isn't his?" Jimmy pointed to Tony.

Hairy truck driver and Tony shared a brief incredulous glance then burst into spontaneous laughter.

"Yeah, right," said the driver, whipping the tears from his eyes. "He looks like a Honda driver. If it had been a Mustang or maybe a red Ferrari…."

"Like Magnum," said Tony and the driver wistfully in unison.

"Well, yes, OK, it's mine," Jimmy admitted.

"Of course it is, sign here," he said handing over a clipboard. "How did you manage to run into the side of a giant pick up."

"I was apprehending a felon!" said Jimmy proudly. "I didn't just drive into a pick up, first I ploughed headlong through a picnic table!"

The driver considered Palmer skeptically. "Well, I hope you removed your glasses before you did that, Clark Kent."

"Ahh, well, yes actually. Airbags hitting glasses is the number one cause of…"

The man looked at him nonplussed. "I really don't care. I'm just taking your car to get this dent banged out."

"It's not a …"

"Save it Muppet boy."

Tony was impressed – this guy was a kindred spirit.

Tony and Palmer watched in strained silence as the two wrestle mania-refugees hooked up their respective vehicles, communicating by some unique Neanderthal grunting. Then the two tow truck engines roared into life and the combatant cars where dragged from the scene.

When they had finally disappeared from view and even the dull truck engine throb had faded into the baseline traffic noise, Jimmy crossed his arms protectively in front of him and chanced a conversation with Tony.

"What do we do now?"

"They're sending a car back for us."

"When."

"Soon. If Ziva's driving: even sooner."

"Her driving scares me."

"Her driving scares everyone Palmer. There are rally drivers who pull over to let her pass. Maybe you could give her some pointers."

"I asked her to give me some pointers," Jimmy admitted thoughtfully.

"Well, it shows."

"Not on driving – on close combat."

"Ah….why? I mean, not that she isn't damn good at unarmed combat, what with the crazy ninja skills and all, but why would _you_ need them?"

"I just wanted to be able to defend myself. You know: next time. I hated feeling powerless, like I couldn't do anything."

"So you asked about CLOSE combat?"

"Yeah."

"Were you close to the shooter? Could you reach out and touch him?"

"Ah, no."

"Then what exactly were you planning to do? Say, 'Simon says don't move', and attack while he's hanging out for the win?"

"Well, no," Jimmy's gaze fell to the ground in embarrassment. "I just wanted to be able to do something." Jimmy fell silent for a moment, lost in thought. "Tony?"

"Yeah mup…Palmer."

"How do you handle being shot at?"

"Palmer, do you know what the one big difference is between you being shot at and a trained NCIS agent being shot at?"

"Ah, you're trained to …"

"We're armed, Palmer – and we're firing back."

Palmer stopped short. "You have a gun too?"

"Yes Palmer. We don't feel powerless because we're firing an NCIS issue firearm at their scary little gun toting butts."

Palmer looked relived. "So what would _you_ do if you were unarmed and someone was aiming a gun at your head?"

Tony looked him straight in the eye. "I'd duck, Palmer."

"Really?"

"Really."

"That's it?"

"No that's not it…with your experience I'd also probably wet my pants."


End file.
